Current Affairs: What is Important Today?

We are living in a time of such genuine political upheaval that many of us in the West don’t have a comparable reference point. Financial crises seem inevitable, international trade relations remain tense and people are being killed for speaking the truth. It is in times like these that our values are put to the test, and we begin to ask ourselves what is truly important in our lives.

For most of us, family is a non-negotiable value, beginning with the foundation of marriage, but it is often pushed aside by the tyranny of the urgent. Family dynamics can become tense or complicated during times of stress and real world fears—a mixture that can border on toxicity. I consider a good marriage to be an art form of its own, enhancing efforts to create safe places for our families.

If you’re reading this, the chances are you live in a loving home. No one should take a peaceful home for granted. However, just like every home could use an occasional spring cleaning, relationships within our homes need some regular maintenance.

Don’t let the current state of the world push your familial relationships aside. You can improve your home life in much the same way you can improve your house. It takes a lot of hard, daily work and determined motivation, but it is well worth the effort.

I have had the honor of designing and building beautiful homes for dozens and dozens of families. I have listened while clients tell me their dreams and visions for a perfect house that fits their present lifestyle with provision for future growth. A house, as beautiful as it may be, is not inherently a safe place. I have seen physically beautiful houses fall devastatingly short of the mark. A house does not become a home filled with peace, joy and beauty by itself.

Just like a building, a safe haven needs to be thoughtfully planned, beautifully designed and skillfully built. Its foundation needs to be able to support everything it stands for. The only solid foundation is the Christian core values derived from the Ten Commandments and Jesus’ message of Love God above all, and love others as yourself. Your regular home maintenance can start at any time with an evaluation of the foundation. 

For this process, I use the same methods I employ for designing and building an actual house. I’m sharing them here in the hope they will be useful to you.

Three steps to building and maintaining a safe haven

Every time I decide to build or renovate a house, I follow this three step process:

The first step is to make the decision to do it. Speak your intention out loud so your own ears hear it—a promise to yourself and to God. “Starting today, I will improve my relationships within my family.”

It takes determination, but often within our families we need to begin by improving our communication. When interacting with loved ones, things can go unspoken, or we cut corners on the little things knowing we’ll be forgiven. Making the decision to stop taking family members for granted is a chance for you—and those who look to you for guidance—to strengthen your core values.

Any professional designer creates and works from blueprints—a detailed plan of action. But there is one step before the plan. You need a vision. Give yourself permission to imagine what it means for you to have a healthy family. Have the courage to dream about it. What does a healthy family look like to you? Take the spiritual, emotional and physical qualities into account.

'So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.' 2 Corinthians 4:18 NLT

Before you draw up your blueprints, there are two key decisions that need to be made:

• Which elements are important and worth keeping?

• Which elements are damaging and need to be discarded?

Those are questions only you can answer. Laying new or restored foundations for a family is no easy task. The goal is to build an unbreakable structure with the strongest of bonds between family members. If resentments have been harbored, and communication has been broken, the challenge is not to plaster over the cracks. You must address the underlying structural defects and commit to repairing them properly.

The strongest designs start in your heart and in your mind. My advice is to start by softening your heart with forgiveness. Be humble in front of yourself and your loved ones—none of us are perfect and honesty is key.  My thoughts during one of these seasons reminded me that perfection is not the goal, but peace and safety.

The process does not benefit from blaming others. “If only they had checked the planning permits beforehand,” or “if only they had listened to me from the start!” Renovating your home and maintaining a safe haven for your family requires a mirror of honesty, and a willingness to forgive ourselves and the ones who live with us.

Goals to keep in mind

Why is it important to fix and improve our physical homes? Because it provides a better quality of life for everyone who lives there. Creating a safe haven functions under the same principle.

Once you’re in the right frame of mind to start designing, think about the basics first. The goal of good design is to improve the flow of the floorplan, and to make connections between rooms easy and practical. The same rules apply to our families. The primary goal should always be to improve communication with our spouse and our kids.

Other design aims include giving the house more clearly defined spaces, as well as a logical hierarchy. To improve the quality of its materials, to fix what needs to be fixed—all while making it more harmonious. Exactly the same is true for our families.

Conclusion: 

Once you’ve defined your vision, you’ll need a literal plan. This is the point where real world changes can be made that will—if you’ve followed the steps above—help turn your home into a safe place for your family.

Take a pen and paper and start evaluating room by room. In your living room: think about what happens in there daily. What kind of interactions would you like to see? Are there physical alterations you can make to help facilitate your desires? For example: “I would like to have a lot more conversations in here.” Try arranging the furniture into conversation spaces. Then move into the kitchen, and write what you’d like to see there. Perhaps, “I would like a space for stress-free meals!” Go into the master bedroom and envision a place of marital harmony without strife.

This type of structured thinking can help shape the physical spaces you inhabit and in turn can help improve your relationships, inspire positivity and ensure your home is a safe haven during troubling times.

SUBSCRIBE TO MY NEWSLETTER